Day 53

I’m just touching down in Oakland, California for the first time now! The flight bred plenty of ideas for you all, without further ado:

I Need to See Color Again

As I try and write for an audience
I remind myself how it started:
These blessed words from within
Saved me from self destruction.

Now, as I climb the icy mountain high
I wonder as I lose my grip
If I should return to red and blue lines
Or fight to keep my mind at peace.

Breeze screams from deep beneath me in some
Green, gray crusted river valley skirted with ranges
From the tranquil trickle of flowing waters
To the wishing voice of Mother Nature’s aims
The gust speeds up, entrancing white pine branches
In harrowing, howling, whistling dances
For those who have struggled through every win
Deserve the reward of a break from the wind.

But have I really struggled?
As I reflect I see the beginning of ends
I lose my hold on color and light
And slide in spite of burning will.

I can’t stay up, keep pushing on,
But sometimes the burgundy glow
Of a summer sunset is peace enough 
To plant the seed, returning hope.

Is It Worth It?

Here we are again,
My old friend worthlessness
Rattles these aging bones once more
As I face the idle chore
Of finding reason still to try,
Writing shrinking rhymes
With too much time 
I rot inside an empty mind.

Each time I find myself back at the start 
Of my heart’s ever growing pains,
Deciding should I depart or stay
Or witness as I go insane
And waste away the dragging days
I ask: is it worth it?
Serving cycles, losing purpose
Deep within life’s lasting labyrinth.

Is torment made for me
Or have I played the cards to deserve it?
Are religious morals blasphemy,
Or am I a fool for denying that service?
As I wander further, falling free
Enticed by words of slipping serpents
I ask myself: “what should I believe?
Does life inherently have a purpose?”

My hopeful brain it yearns for friends
Depending yet on someone else,
As no one comes to offer help
To high upon the highest shelf
I’m crying for my lonely self.
I wonder: is it too late?
My place in dust, dissolved in hate
As I chase my closing curtains.

So here I go again,
To and fro, foe and friend, happy
Beginnings come to close, sent
To test my vain amends
With greedy eyes.
Lying to the final try and 
Begging for an end to fights
My soul succombs to coming night.


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